As my life goes on, I feel like things get stranger and stranger by the minute. So many things change. Up to the point that I am even going to move for an entire sabbatical year. And no matter what I do, each day feels like everything just keeps on changing to something different. Every time I visit India, it was nothing like the last year. Now the only thing that was remotely reminiscent of my past was my close family. And now even they are not there. To be honest, around the age of nine, I felt like it was horrible. I could never feel anything that I originally felt like. Nothing that I saw can ever come back. And now, I am realizing that I only have one day; once things change they are not coming back. Then again, things aren’t all bad. Recently, I have started to learn a bit of programming with python. At this point, I have a good enough education that I know I will have a good life. When it comes down to it, I will not be a kid forever. If there is any time to progress in life, it is in the here and now.
I have had the time I wanted to run around the streets pretending I was a super hero and draw endless amount of little doodles and pictures with my arsenal of crayola markers. I still have plenty of time as a kid. I am only eleven, almost twelve. So although I am a kid now, I can’t be a kid for long. I am really not sure how I feel about this emotion. If I feel despair? If I am ready to explore the adventure of the world? Or curl up in a ball and stick in my little world? Honestly, there is really no answer in life. What happens, happens. Whatever is going to be happen, I am ready for it. That is all I have!
And eventually, all I really have at this point is the present. It is not really what’s going to happen in five years or what happened five years ago. I am perfectly happy with my life. I have my parents, my dogs, my computer, my books, video games, coursera, art, music, swimming and all that is great! I know what I love about my life. And that’s why I am so confused about what I think about change. I am perfectly happy with what I have and I don’t want to leave it. At the same time, I know that the future is eventually coming and there is no way to escape it. On another part of my mind, I feel like I want something new and better. At times I feel disappointed with who I am and I want to become new and be a different person than I am. And honestly, I wouldn’t really care who or what kind of person it is, as long as I will be more happy there than I am here. With all these things on my mind, it all comes to the same every time. All I have is to enjoy my days now. Because they don’t last forever. That is really what I think about my future.